I don't know which way to go. Any advice?

On Being

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As mentioned, recently I joined a social/philanthropic club. To put it lightly, I’m not a “joiner.” I typically shy away from anything that might require talking to people I don’t know or being in a social situation I’m not familiar with. But an attitude like this, while creating a nice safety net, is not actually doing me any favors.

Regardless of how I may feel about the majority of people in the world (they suck), it’s important to be able to talk to people (even if I think they suck); in fact it’s the only way to make new friends. Fake introductory conversations are lame, but friendships are really important to me. If I must weed through all sucktastic people who bore the crap out of me in order to find all the good people in this crazy world, then that’s what I’ll do, because that’s how good I feel when I’m surrounded by people who are thoughtful, fun and give a damn about something other than themselves.

Thus, my entrance into the club is both an opportunity to break out my shell (as in, it forces me to) and to widen my small circle of awesome people. One can never have too many awesome people in their lives.

This is all well and good. We should all do the thing that we would “never do.” But there is a problem: breaking your candy-coated shell of being may just leave you with an identity crisis. If, let’s just say, you’re the girl who would never ever join a women’s social group, like you’ve stated this many times over the years and maybe even made a big stink about it in college when certain friends said they were joining sororities (“I would never buy my friends,” which may or may not be a direct quote), and then you end up doing the exact thing for which you shamed other people, it’s very confusing. You feel like a big, fat hypocrite, since that’s pretty much what you are. And you start to think, who the heck am I? This isn’t me. Or is it? What if this is me? Or what if I was right and it’s not, and now I’ve stuck this thing onto my identity and if I ever become famous the whole world will know?? Gah. The uncertainty is nearly debilitating.

Until . . .

I suddenly have a moment of clarity: It’s terrible to be a person only defined by one thing. I don’t want to limit myself to anything. I can be a joiner and an anti-social, sucky people hater all at once. I am unlimited. What a relief!


Written by ditheringmiss

October 7, 2009 at 10:07 pm

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