I don't know which way to go. Any advice?

Pinkie’s Out

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I’d be lying if I said that living in the marina came without judgment. It has the stigma of being yuppieville, or douchebag central, if you will. Okay, fine, there is a lot of that. Some of the bars are like glorified frat houses, only sadder, because everyone’s nearing thirty. But we’re not ALL like that.

I like living here because it’s sunny when everywhere else in the city is foggy, I don’t feel scared walking to and from my car at night, and it’s dang pretty. One of my favorite things: checking out the super rich houses along the water while I run.

These houses are worth millions upon millions of dollars, and I find myself fascinated by their going-ons. But it’s not just fascinating; it’s all sorts of enlightening. So I give you, the things I’ve learned from rich people recently:

you should always be having work done to your home. always. regardless of how noisy or inconvenient it may be for those in need of the sidewalk, it is imperative that there is a white truck or large van blocking your driveway.

don’t stop there. even if you don’t have any necessary home repairs on the horizon (and really that’s impossible), you’re 3×4 ft lawn and two gardenia bushes must be maintained daily. on that note, do cut down the beautiful and shade providing branches of the one tree lining your street. it was blocking the view of your mailbox.

people will come to your house to detail your car. i know, but it’s true. i’ve seen it.

you must head to an overpriced avante-garde gallery stat. pick the first life size sculpture you can find and place it in the entryway window of your home. the uglier, the better.

no entryway window? then, opt for the more demure tabletop sculpture to be displayed in your front second story window. sure, it blocks your view. but it’s a small price to pay to for privilege.

finally, under no circumstances ever be seen entering, exiting, or enjoying your home. it’s just gauche.

extra credit: use the word gauche everytime you’re on your blue tooth

I kidd. Just the ramblings of a bitter person with a hankering for fortune. Yes, I know: material wealth be damned. Real riches come from within . Or is that beauty? How do I get to this “within” place anyways?


Written by ditheringmiss

September 2, 2009 at 4:30 pm

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