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I don't know which way to go. Any advice?

Archive for September 2009

Me in Nutshell

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My oh my, I’ve been off the radar. When it comes to getting up and running on this here blog again, I think I need to start with a dip of the toes.

Updates (so we’re all on the same page):

  • I hate my skin and my skin hates me. It’s terrible. I’m not cut out for blemishes.
  • I’ve joined a social/philanthropic club. For anonymity’s sake I won’t go into details, except to say that it is incredibly unlike me and requires the use of all my very unpolished social graces at one time. Why, you ask? You know how people will say, “this year I’m going to do something I would never normally do!” This is that for me. An experiment, if you will, in being. (More on this later)
  • For book club this month, we’re reading Lolita. Read. This. Book. It’s good for your brain.
  • Mike’s blog kicks ass!
  • I have an upcoming essay to write for my class. Yikes. I haven’t written a formal paper in years. It kind of makes me want to cry.
  • But my class is awesome. I can’t even tell you how much better school is when you actually care. American Literature from the 1860’s to the 1920’s. Sounds boring, I know. It’s not! People of the early 20th century–they’re just like us! Really. It’s amazing how many of the problems we face today recall the same shit they were dealing with back then.
  • So happy to have things to look forward to every week (ie. Glee, Mad Men, and Gossip Girl).
  • This weekend shall be delightful as there will be sleeping, reading, and dining out.

End update.

It’s good to be back.

Written by ditheringmiss

September 30, 2009 at 11:18 pm

Posted in Changes, Life, Me

Tagged with ,

When Parents Suck at the Manners Thing

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You probably heard about the lady who made headlines last week when she took it upon herself to spank another woman’s (disobedient) child. Before that there was the guy at Wal Mart who slapped a stranger’s crying two-year-old across the face to shut her up.

This is pretty terrible. Yet (please don’t shun me) . . . I kind of get it. While I would never lay my hands on anyone else’s child (unless I was saving them from getting hit by a car or falling into a manhole), I understand wanting to.

Today I was at a cafe on Fillmore doing homework at one of the small two person tables. Between my coffee, purse, and notebooks, I’d taken over most of the table’s surface. Since I was waiting for a friend, I opted to leave the additional chair free until she arrived.

So I’m sitting there minding my own business, writing away, when this woman comes up to my very small table dragging a chair and her small son behind her. She proceeds to plunk the son in my extra chair and seat herself in the chair she’s brought with her. Now I’m sharing my very small table with a woman, her son, and his constant chattering (and cookie crumbs.) AND SHE DIDN’T EVEN ASK!

I’m tolerant of people with kids, because I know how kids can be. I don’t freak out when kids throw temper tantrums around me, and it doesn’t bother me if a kid comes into my personal space. Though I do think it’s ridiculous when parents bring kids to grown up movies or bars or other inappropriate locations.  I also can’t stand it when parents completely turn a blind eye to their kid’s bad behavior while in public. But kids are just kids. My problem is with parents. Not kids.

As soon as this mom made herself at home at my table without permission I was pissed. Had she asked, I would have said, “I have a friend coming, but you’re welcome to sit until she gets here.” But she didn’t ask. She just sat and talked as loudly as possible with her excessively chatty kid while he proceeded to shove the table around, knocking my stuff over. It was ridiculous.

While I desperately wanted to unleash a tirade, I bit my tongue. I have a rule: don’t fight rude behavior with more rude behavior. Otherwise known as, don’t make a bad situation worse. But the urge was clear.

Does that make me a bad person?

Written by ditheringmiss

September 21, 2009 at 9:00 am

Posted in Life

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What I Know Now

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I always know less than I think I do.

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Written by ditheringmiss

September 21, 2009 at 8:00 am

Uncertainty and Chocolate

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hot-chocolate

I’ve been patting myself on the back a lot the last few months, telling myself how I’ve embraced challenge and defeated it with a positive attitude. I’ve been so proud of my introspective aptitude that I conveniently forgot that there would come a day when I might actually have to apply my “inner growth” to reality.

Just the idea of this scares me, which I think means that I’m far less zen than I’ve been touting. I feel just as confused and uncertain as ever. In other words, nothing’s changed.

But even though I can’t stop old fears from surfacing, I’m able to recognize them now as pointless. Yes, I’ve been repeating mantras about the waste of worrying, but whatever, it helps, a little.

I’m drinking hot chocolate now, and that helps, too. It’s nearly impossible for me to go a day without chocolate. It’s true. Oh wow, I just thought about whipped cream. I’m already feeling better. (Yes, I eat away my emotions. It feels good.)

Update:  I’m chasing my hot chocolate with wine. Mike just handed me a glass. He said I should rename the post “Hot Chocolate and Wine.” Things are looking up.

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Written by ditheringmiss

September 17, 2009 at 9:51 pm

Deranged Gal Seeks Body Guard

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You know what I hate? Being cat-called. It really pisses me off when I’m standing or walking or just minding my own business and some dude (typically lame, creepy, and/or scary) draws attention to me with some derogatory comment.

Wanna know what else I hate? When I complain about this and people say things like, “you should be flattered” or “well, that’s because you’re such a pretty girl.”

It’s not flattering, and it has nothing to do with being attractive (it’s all about the boobs as far as I can tell). It’s rude. And it makes me feel dirty, as if I’ve done something wrong. Yuck.

Sorry for the rant. I’m just really frickin’ tired of the nonsense.  This has been going on since puberty, and I think I’ve hit my tipping point. I’m about to cut a fool.

Does this type of thing make you feel gross, too?

Written by ditheringmiss

September 17, 2009 at 8:00 am

Posted in Me

Tagged with , ,

Wishing, Hoping

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In the mornings I am incredibly ambitious.  I have plans, big plans. But then I get tired and stuff piles up, and all of a sudden, I just deflate. I am a girl who likes to sit in the sun and read. It  reenergizes me.  I haven’t had a chance to do this lately.

It only means I’ll appreciate it all the more when I do.

Kind of like money. You take your income for granted. When you don’t have it, it’s all you can think about. I have a giant master list of things I’d get if I had money. It’s like this: I want pretty things I can’t have. Boo.

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What’s on your wish list?

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Written by ditheringmiss

September 16, 2009 at 8:00 am

Posted in Life, Me

What I Know Now*

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A Momentary Lapse Of Freedom

You don’t get more confident as you get older, you just stop caring about whether you’re doing things the “right way.”

*If you’re keeping score, this was supposed to go up on Monday. Forgive my delayed posting.

inspired by The Happiness Project

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Written by ditheringmiss

September 15, 2009 at 8:46 pm