dith.er

I don't know which way to go. Any advice?

The I Suck Spiral

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Last semester I had a teacher who constantly referred to something he liked to call the “I Suck Spiral,” and it’s exactly what it sounds like. You find a reason why you suck, which leads to yet another reason, and so on and so forth until you’ve spiraled so far into self-hate mode that you can hardly function.

My teacher, of course, was trying to train the class how to pull ourselves out of the spiral so that we could continue writing. He assured us that if we just continued to write and ignore the terrible things we were thinking about ourselves, eventually we would pull through and create something worth reading.

Spiral Tree image created using ContextFree program.As it turns out, the I Suck Spiral is not limited to the context of writing. I felt it pulling and twisting me in this morning, in fact. First, it was because I’d slept in so late. Then it was because I didn’t get a call or email about any of my recent applications.  Then I decided to check out some new blogs, only to realize that everyone is either married and having kids or working on a decent career, and certainly not sitting at their computers in their living rooms eating stale Puffins in their pajamas at noon. You can see where this is going.

But as I felt my mood deteriorating, it was suddenly very clear what I was doing to myself.

I’ve done it many times before.

Well, I ain’t letting it bring me down today. Hells no. Today I’m fighting through.

Say it with me now:

i  do not suck. i will not idealize other people’s lives. life is too short to worry about what everyone else is doing. i will never measure my success by the length of my resume, the money in my bank accont, or the socially determined stepping stones I hit (or miss).  i can decide what kind of person i want to be regardless of my circumstances. i can be happy, no matter what.

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Written by ditheringmiss

July 15, 2009 at 1:04 pm

Posted in Life, Thoughts

One Response

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  1. […] It’s a classic case of the I-Suck-Spiral . […]


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