I don't know which way to go. Any advice?

On Second Thought

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Do you have any memories from childhood that have completely changed shape now that you’re older? As if the knowledge that you have now suddenly imparts an entirely different meaning into a moment you’ve held onto for years. Since making my way through the early-twenties into (gasp) the mid-twenties, I’ve found myself thinking a lot of about my parents at this same age twenty something years ago.

I’ve always known the general facts of my parents unsuccessful relationship and the years that preceded, and also the things that happened to them after I was born. But it’s only now, when I’m the same age they were back then, that I’ve been able to place things in context. In the process, I’ve been hounding my mom for information (so how long did you and dad live together? wait, when did you finally finish school?).

Now I feel as if something has shifted.

There are certain things that baffle me now. How could they have happened? How could one thing change the trajectory of someone’s life so drastically? It scares me. Mostly because it’s likely happening to me right now or will happen to me soon or has already happened. It’s unavoidable really–how can you prevent something that is only recognizable once it’s already taken place?–but still, it’s on my mind.


Written by ditheringmiss

July 14, 2009 at 6:00 am

Posted in Changes, Family, Life, Thoughts

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